Addictions

Dr. Jaffe states: "Having worked in the field of addictions for over twenty years, and, having struggled with my own addictions and addictive behavior, I see the problem from both a personal and professional stance. Addictions are those behaviors which reflect a need by the person to feel included, to be a part of something larger than ourselves, approved of and, above all, loved. The problem is that knowledge is usually hidden in our unconscious mind, and as a result we focus only on the addiction itself as the problem, instead of the root causes." We don't usually know that we are being controlled by unconscious feelings such as guilt, anger, sadness or fear. Often, we do not know anything other than that we feel a "craving" for the addictive substance or process. Addictions can be anything we use to change our feeling state on a regular basis. These can be food, drugs and alcohol, sex, gambling, smoking, pornography, etc. An addiction can also be working, or compulsive exercising. In the case of working or exercising, one could ask "Aren't these activities productive and even healthy?" Yes, these activities are healthier than some others, such as alcohol or drug abuse, and may not be life threatening (at least not in the short run), but they are still addictions, if they are done compulsively. They still serve the purpose of helping us move away from our emotions and our core sense of self. As such, they reveal an underlying fear, or set of fears that keep us from feeling a sense of completeness, and a feeling that we are connected to others in a meaningful way. Instead, we carry around inside of us feelings of unlovability, worthlessness, self-hate, hate for others, guilt, shame, sadness and fear or just plain numbness. The problem with a person who is addicted is that these negative feeling states may be so ingrained within, that he or she may not know that a) they exist or b) that there is another way to feel. Once we find a way to feel better even temporarily, it seems to us that it is the best we can expect. Our addictions may give us "instant gratification" from uncomfortable or unbearable feeling states. However, when the "high" wears off, the negative feeling returns again and again with no apparent end in sight.

Healing from addictions is a multi-faceted process. Again, the road to healing is dependent on a number of factors, and each person's healing process is similar, but different. For many people, stopping the addiction "cold turkey" by eliminating the behavior is the way to begin. This is particularly true if the addiction is life threatening, such as with drug addiction and alcoholism. Often, if an addiction is out of control and self-destructive, joining a twelve-step group, such as AA (alcoholics anonymous) or NA (Narcotics anonymous) is the single most important step a person can take. There are many twelve-step groups, such as OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and MA (Marijuana Anonymous) to serve specific populations with specific addictions. These groups provide a support network for stopping the behavior, and a therapeutic strategy, through the working of the twelve steps, which can be extremely beneficial. They also offer people a sponsor to work with, who is akin to a mentor, to help guide the person through the program.

Many people, for a number of reasons, do not choose to use twelve step programs to stop their addictions or choose to use psychotherapy in addition to Twelve Step Recovery work. One psychological perspective is that addiction is a coping mechanism the person has discovered as a way to soften the sometimes harsh realties of life. Most people who struggle with addictions have difficulties dealing with grief and loss. This can be for a number of reasons, but many times it stems from physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect as a child. (See adults with troubled childhoods). A child's ability to process extreme negative feelings is very limited, and when those limits are reached and surpassed, the child shuts down emotionally. As a result, the emotional growth and maturity of the child gets stunted (stopped), and the child, as he or she gets older, does not know how to cope with emotions effectively, even though physical and intellectual growth proceeds at a normal pace. The task for the therapist therefore becomes, to help the person mature emotionally, which involves having them understand their feelings and patterns of behavior. With this knowledge, the addicted person gains choices on how to deal effectively with the overwhelming feelings of loss carried around since childhood. As the person learns how to identify, connect with, tolerate, and accept their emotions, the need for addiction(s) diminish, and an appreciation for self and others begins to flourish.