Recovery from Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is one of the most devastating forms of abuse, since our sexuality is so closely connected with our identity in the world, our sense of self. There are a number of different ways people can be sexually abused. The kind of abuse each person experiences (what was done to them, or what they observed), plus the age(s) when the abuse occurred, carries with it it's own specific psychological and emotional injuries, and thereby, it's own path of healing.

A person who has been inappropriately fondled, for example, may have similar, but different issues to resolve compared to a person who was violently raped. A person who was molested at age 12 one time may have similar, but different issues to resolve compared to as a person who was repeatedly molested starting at age 3. A person who experienced sexual feelings during an act of abuse may have similar, but different issues to resolve compared to a person who felt "only" pain or humiliation.

Many people who were sexually abused suffer with internal conflicts related to their bodies. They may have problems liking their bodies, or parts of their bodies, or enjoying their sexuality. They may "space out" (disassociate) during sex, divorcing their emotions from their physical sensations. They may find themselves compulsively sexual, or not wanting sex to be a part of their lives at all. Many people who were sexually abused do not experience sexual symptoms, and may be orgasmic, or even multiorgasmic. Sometimes their symptoms present as depression, or bi-polar, meaning extreme highs and lows. Some people have a high level of anxiety, or panic attacks, and others have drug, alcohol or food addictions. Many times sexual abuse survivors struggle in relationships, not knowing how to trust or who to trust. Many times they cannot identify, understand or manage their emotions.

Recovery from sexual abuse involves a number of different tasks, depending on the form of abuse, the age it took place, and whether the person had any emotional support afterwards. A main task of psychotherapy for sexual abuse is to help separate past events from the way that he/she thinks about who they are, and their value in the world. The belief that "I am what happened to me," or "I caused or deserved it," is common and must be addressed continuously throughout the therapy.

Feelings of extreme shame and self-blame are common. Often, the sexually abused person blocks out memory of the abuse. A survivor may remember all the details, but not the emotions, or sensations. Or, the survivor may have emotions and physical sensations, but is unable to connect them to any memory of the details.

The goals of psychotherapy for sexual abuse include:

1.Helping the survivor develop a new way of thinking about what happened and eliminating shame attached to the memory (regardless of whether it is a visual memory, body memory or both). 2.Creating a new relationship between the person and their body, thus creating a positive body image. 3.Learning to feel comfortable with physical sensations, which could interfere not just with sex, but with other activities such as sports or exercise, or just non-sexual touch. 4.Teaching the survivor how to trust their feelings about others, which allows for more emotional, as well as physical intimacy in relationships.

Naturally, the length of treatment differs from person to person, based on the age at which the abuse occurred, the frequency and type of abuse suffered, the relationship a person had or has with the perpetrator(s), and the person's internal coping strategies for handling it. As therapy progresses, the survivor begins to act and feel more confident and secure. He or she will develop a greater sense of control, and learn how to identify and manage his or her emotions. Finally, the person will develop a positive body image, and a greater ability to love, and experience love from others.